The shadow of an empty chair

a beautiful post on Facebook from my friend Denise

 

Denise Barbier

the shadow of an empty chair. we all have them at our tables during the holidays.. for those that are gone or not able to join us as we gather with family and friends… May the shadow’s of those we have loved be ever present in our nows. Childhood Thanksgiving’s spent around big tables loaded with all the good recipes we still cherish today. Giving thanks to all today Past Present and Future… God Bless you all….

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Color my world

As the 12-year-old bundle of lanky arms and legs continued to giggle in the seat next to me she offers an apology “sorry Daddy, you wouldn’t understand what’s in my mind”.  We had just finished discussing how she is always the middle (in age) with the boys around her like her cousins and two boys that she goes to school with and also confirmation classes at church.  So like any respectable father of a young daughter I immediately panic (loud noises in my head, please don’t let it be about BOYS!).

Relief was the next sentence that came out of her mouth after the awkward question I had to ask about a crush.  ”NO, it’s just all the things bouncing around in my mind I wonder about”.  Whew!  ”Like,” she continues, “why is the sky blue and not purple, purple is a cool color”.   So began our discussion on wonderment.

I told my daughter how happy I was that she was coming into her own goofy self.  I really enjoy our goof ball moments and see a lot of me in her sense of humor and wonderment.  I am pretty happy about that as my humor is a bit off and it is nice to have someone to share it with.  It is also really great to understand her at a different level.  I told her I was  curious by nature as well and that is how Deep thoughts and mindless rants” came about.

So we dug into color.  We talked a little about color and moods.  She asked why grass is green.  Why blood is red.  I mentioned mood rings (who is the adult here?).  We mutually decided we needed to get our crack research team on this to feed our need for information.  Many of our talks come up after a fairly deep conversation or presentation and this was no exception as we had just left Sydney’s confirmation class at church.

From http://www.sciencemadesimple.com

WHY IS THE SKY BLUE?

The blue color of the sky is due to Rayleigh scattering. As light moves through the atmosphere, most of the longer wavelengths pass straight through. Little of the red, orange and yellow light is affected by the air.

However, much of the shorter wavelength light is absorbed by the gas molecules. The absorbed blue light is then radiated in different directions. It gets scattered all around the sky. Whichever direction you look, some of this scattered blue light reaches you. Since you see the blue light from everywhere overhead, the sky looks blue.

From Wiki Answers

Blood is red due to hemoglobin (the molecule that carries oxygen around) which is held in the red blood cells. In the hemoglobin are four atoms of iron which can be in an oxidized state, i.e with an atom of oxygen attached to it, making it red, or in a non-oxidized state, when it is dark red-blue (maroon).

Sunlight gives off UV rays, which plants absorb to turn into energy. This energy that plants make is called ATP. In order for photosynthesis to occur, ATP must be present (Photosynthesis is how the plants make food) Because light is all the colors of the Visible Light Spectrum, or Rainbow. All colors EXCEPT green are absorbed in the chlorophyll. Green is the color reflected and transmitted back, and that is why we see green in plants.

Of course I just spit out these answers off the top of my head.   You weren’t there, you don’t know.

And for the finale:

How do specific colors relate to moods and emotions? Red is all about energy and vitality, but it can also indicate anger. And of course it’s associated with sexuality as well. Pink, though, can provide a sense of being cared for; it’s more about nurturing and maternal love. Orange is stimulating, good for times when we just can’t seem to get started with something. Its lighter version, peach, may be useful for exhaustion due to stress. Yellow is good for mental activities like reasoning and analysis. It can promote self-confidence and is helpful in situations when you need to be more optimistic. Green tends to make most people think of nature, since so much of the natural world is green. It’s about connections – with nature, or with our fellow humans. It’s also good for general stress, since it can help balance emotions. Blue is soothing and relaxing. It can stimulate creativity. Light blue can denote quiet, and dark blue can be sedating. But too much dark blue can be depressing. Purple is related to imagination, intuition, and insight. In some situations it can also be very peaceful. White is definitely about peace. But it’s also associated with purity, which makes it good for “cleansing” – which could mean purification, or maybe just clarification. Black may make some people think of depression, but it doesn’t have to. It’s a very dramatic color; many artists wear nothing but black. It can denote mystery, something hidden – or maybe an introvert who’s been around crowds too long could use it to “hide” from people. In this sense, it can be a very protecting color. Gray is a common color for business suits, and in those instances it can indicate independence, self-control, and self-confidence. But some color specialists think it’s also about ambiguity and indecision; after all, it isn’t black, and it isn’t white, either. Brown is the color of earth, and be just as “grounding.” It’s good for introducing stability to an otherwise insecure situation. But too much of it can take stability to its extreme – stagnation.

Sources: Personal experience andhttp://www.associatedcontent.com/article/97869/color_and_moodhow_color_affects_our.html

Sweat the small stuff

“Hi, Pops”(not sure why I called him that as I never do) I answered when my high-tech droid cell phone rang and the caller I.D. indicated it was my Dad.  ”Hey,  happy birthday you old fart” dad replied.  He continued “it is 6:30, the doors are locked, everything is shut down and I’m sitting in my office with a cold beer”.  ”That sounds nice” I said.  ”This is when I used to call my dad” my dad replied.

Have you ever heard the saying “don’t sweat the small stuff”?  In today’s high-tech world I think it may be wrong.  I think the small stuff might be the big stuff down the road.

Take my conversation with my dad.  For one, it floored me that in my 40+ years I never realized that my dad talked with his dad like I talk with my dad.(confusing isn’t it?).  I am not sure why I never thought of this.  I take for granted (small stuff) that in today’s world I can just pick up my cell phone from practically anywhere in the world and call my dad.  In a car, in a bar.  On a plane or boat and any of the other Dr. Seuss things I can’t recall.

The act of calling has become blase and thoughtless really.  Think about it,  you don’t have to plan to make a call.  Alright kiddies, back when we were children nobody, I mean NOBODY, had a cell phone in their pocket (We will discuss cable TV some other time, you can only handle so much at one time).  You may want to sit down.  No one had a cordless phone to wander aimlessly around the house and yard while babbling like the children you are to your little girl friends for hours on end either.  Phones were actually attached to the wall (in the kitchen) on set on a desk or night stand elsewhere in the house.  You actually had to plan to make a call because it was like a short trip, a destination, you had to decide which location  you would choose to make your call.

Sometimes duration of the upcoming call would dictate the phone to use.  Say grandma is the intended caller and it’s Monday.  Mom
would use the kitchen phone so she could sit as it would be a longer phone call and often involved lists so writing was easier sitting.  Other times it would be the phone by the bed if mom or dad wanted to call one of the girls at college to wish them good night or good day.  Maybe it was the phone in the hallway with the really long cord that you could stretch through the bedroom door and whisper quietly to your girl friend(so I’ve heard) and no one could over hear.

Small stuff.  Thoughtful planning vs spontaneous mobile dialing.  Patience vs instant gratification.  Rotary dial (what?) vs touch pad.  A thoughtful phone call that means a lot.

I wonder what dad and Grandpa talked about.  I bet it was similar to our conversations, with less background noise and fewer dropped calls.

I love you SO much and Jesse too

To the real friends and family of Milton Hall I wish to express my deepest sympathies to you.  This tragedy needs some answers and a time of healing.

 

July 2, 2012 Milton Hall was shot to death in Saginaw, MI.  It has been on national news since.  Reports say Mr. Hall was acting aggressively and wielded a knife.  Mr. Hall was known to have a record of aggressiveness and mental illness and was homeless.  Police from various departments shot 46 rounds at Mr. Hall striking him 6 times and ultimately killing him.

The media circus began instantly.  Outrage and community concern.  Police brutality opinions were voiced and television and news agencies blasted stories about this tragedy.  Family, friends and his church officials were crawling out of the wood work demanding answers and accountability.

This leads me to the big question.  You know the big question?  This is addressed to Mr. Hall’s “loving family, friends and church officials”.  Where were you?  Where were you when Milton needed you most?

I am not talking about when he was shot.  I am asking where were you in his life?  He was aggressive, mentally ill and homeless.  Where were you?  You loved him and cared for him so much that you were helping him with his behavior and mental issues?  Nope.  You loved and cared for him so much you gave him shelter and a home? Nope.

To my children, you don’t have to worry.  I won’t love you so much that I let mental illness lead you astray.  I won’t love you so much that I will let you be homeless and lost.  Our love is real and not for show or publicity as is our faith.

Mr. Hall’s mother is considering a lawsuit.  Imagine that.  ”Milton” I can hear her say, “I love you so much that I won’t help you but I will act sorrowfully after your death and try to cash in on the publicity”.  Yup, I love you so much….when there are dollar signs.

Let’s not forget Jesse.  Rev. Jesse Jackson is coming to join the circus.  Perfect, would it be complete without him?  Another media spotlight stealer who will come in with camera’s rolling and demand justice.  Uh, Jesse…we are already demanding  justice, you can go home now to your church, does he have a church, and what is he a Rev. of?

Rest in Peace Mr. Hall.

She’s gone…

Everybody’s high on consolation Everybody’s trying to tell me what’s right for me My daddy tried to bore me with a sermon but it’s plain to see that they can’t comfort me

I knew the first time I saw her, I thought she was beautiful.  I had no idea how she would impact my life, I had no idea she would ever be in my life and now she’s gone.

She’s Gone Oh I, Oh I’d better learn how to face it She’s Gone Oh I, Oh I’d pay the devil to replace her

I don’t recall how old I was but I remember vividly where I was.  She came into the yacht club like a Carly Simon song and took my breath away.  I didn’t know how but deep inside of me I knew I wanted her to be mine.  Right, wrong or indifferent.

I got to know her pretty well.  A little joy a little fun a little seasons in the sun, we shared some beers and some enjoyable days on the water.  It was like a scene from Fatal Attractionexcept no rabbit died and there was no huge drama…ok nothing like that but the attraction was there.  I would find reasons to spend more time with her, reasons that I thought were justifiable. My wife at the time didn’t care for her, as you can imagine.  My daughter was indifferent.  My friends thought she was a hoot.  She came between us at home and may have been one of the causes of the end of one part of my life and the first steps of the new.

She stayed with me, never wavered.  She became a focal point when I was alone and it was just Sydney and I.  They grew to love each other and beckon to spend time together.  She openly welcomed Jenny when she entered our lives and Jenny cautiously allowed her into her heart.  She was a huge part of our rebuilding of lives and we built many memories together.

She leaves much as she entered our lives

But now she’s gone.  She caught the attraction of another man.  I always knew she would, she is beautiful.  I denied the inevitable for a couple of years but came to the realization that eventually she would leave us and she did.  She exited our lives very much like she entered it, with class, charm and beauty.

They say and inanimate object can not emit emotions.  Whomever “they” are has never owned a sailboat.  ”They” have never had a passion and love of sailing and the water.   I have had times in my life where I gasped at the site of a classic or stood in awe of the sleekist new race machine or completely fell in love like a fool when she entered my life.

Lyrics are by Hall and Oates in a song written by Darryl Hall about his divorce and first recorded in 1973.  It was called She’s Gone.

In happier times

In remembrance of Me

Ugh…really?! I thought to myself.  ”Why do the freakin parents have to go?  I’ve been through all of this” I say to my wife across the table as we sit in a seedy little….ok it wasn’t seedy, nice family grill enjoying dinner.  I would imagine she thought “what an ass” and “buck up, your her father dumbie”.

In hindsight she was correct.  Kitten’s advice normally is and this was no exception.  With out my participation I think it would have been like missing her first step or hearing her first word, which by the way was Daddy, not what you may have heard otherwise.  I know, I’m her father…uh Daddy.

Our topic of conversation was first communion.  Our family is a good Lutheran family and we were all brought up in the Church and school including our religion classes.  Our church no longer has a school so now the congregation’s children attend classes during the evenings and weekends to grow in their beliefs including a very large step in first communion.

Sydney had expressed interest in this a year ago, which was the correct time frame for her age group.  Her Daddy missed the window of opportunity so she opted to take the class this spring.  We urge Sydney to grow in the church but do not force her.  She is a wonderful curious little girl who has always been intrigued by what goes on in the church including Vacation Bible School at which she is now a volunteer helping run the show.

I digress, imagine that.  Good Shepherd Lutheran Church (www.goodshepherdsaginaw.com) is our church.  Jenny and I both went to school here, both confirmed and communed here.  Our families both have strong roots here.  Good Shepherd requires a parent to attend first communion classes with their child.  Hence my opening remarks.

Once I pulled my head out of my backside I realized that this was an important event in the life of my child.  Still I was grumpy boy, you know because I have soooo much more important stuff….I agree with Jenny…what an ass.  As I sat in the first class all full of my I’m a big boy I know all of this attitude I heard the first question from one of the children…SHOCK…I didn’t know the answer.  I shrunk a little bit in  my seat.  Second question…whew…got that one.  Third…strike two.  I shrunk a bit more, no longer feeling like the know it all big boy.  And I listened.

I listened to Pastor Mark.  I listened to this group of wide-eyed no opinion on the subject eager to learn more children.  I was amazed at their innocence and thirst for knowledge.  I was amazed at how little I really remembered about the ritual of communion.  I was amazed how these children grasped for clarity and understanding.  I was amazed at how much I learned.

Sydney is growing into a wonderful little girl.  I think this achievement means a lot to her, I know it does to me.  I think it means a lot that her dad, her mom and step  mom all made time to go to these classes with her.  I know this means a lot to me.

Coming to Good Shepherd soon, her first communion.  Do this often in remembrance of  Him.

Love is in the air

Written in my best Barry White/Love Doctor Voice

Love is in the air, baby. (Barry White).  It is in the air, in an envelope, in a box, in a vase and for some in a little blue pill.  Magical love, baby.  Valetine’s Day is/was always filled with the air of romance and love.  Or was it?

Valentine’s Day (VD), or Saint Valentine’s Day is a holiday that has its origins in the Catholic Church.  First established in 496 AD by Pope Gelasius I to honor early Christian martyrs named Valentinus.  More specifically Valentine of Rome, a priest in Rome who was martyred around AD269 and Valentine of Terni, a bishop who was martyred during persecution of Emperor Aurelian.  In 1969, the Roman Catholic Church, under the direction of Pope Paul VI, removed the holiday from the General Roman Calendar stating that “nothing is known of Saint Valentine except that he was buried on the Via Flaminia on February 14.”

The celebration of VD didn’t have any romantic links until the 14th century.  Some poet named Chaucer wrote “For this was Saint Valentine’s Day, when every bird cometh there to choose his mate.”  This poem was written to honor King Richard II (King of England) and Anne of Bohemia’s engagement.  It is thought that Chaucer was referring to February 14 as Valentine’s Day but February is a unusual time for birds to mate in Jolly England, just literal drama to muddy the waters.

By the 15th century, VD had evolved into an occasion where lovers expressed their love by presenting flowers, confectionery (sweets or commonly referred to as butt candy) and handwritten greeting cards.  Hallmark thanks you.  The 19th century gave way to mass produced greeting cards, more than likely because we cared enough to send the very best.  It is estimated that 190 million valentines are sent each year in the USA (U.S. Greeting Card Association, for real,  you can’t make this stuff up).  The popularity of the internet has also changed VD with the creation of e-cards and something called “love coupons”.

So now you can understand where the thought behind your gift came from.  While you chew on your chocolate, or slip into something lacey, or smell the fresh bouqet, or pop the blue pill if your feeling randy, you will be able to have an intelligent conversation on the Holiday that resembles nothing of its origin.  Hallmark thanks you as does the diamond industry and the candy makers of the world.

To all of you ladies in my life.  Big, small, young and old, know that you are loved and very appreciated.  Happy VD!