Hot topics that affect the world around us

22 01 2010

With all the hubub in the media lately, you know Jay and Conan and NBC and also the ratings of our leaders  and how poor the job market is, you must be thinking like I am about how is a man(or woman but since I am a man it will be from a man’s perspective) get along or ahead in today’s world.  So I have compiled some tips and some professional guidance if you will, in two different areas: How to quit a job and How to get a rich girl.  Makes perfect sense right?

Ok, so I do actually research these topics.  With the current topics I felt they too needed to be dug into so that I could bring you the best advice I could and yes I am as qualified or more than Oprah, or Dr. Phil(is he really a Dr?), or Tyra and others I just don’t have a TV show…yet.  

How to quit your job

Conan or Jay or both will most likely leave NBC over this show and slot issue(man I don’t care but it does lead into this).  In today’s job market one must be smart about leaving, so Jay…Conan…pay attention boys.

First of all, get a job somewhere else, yup the proverbial foot in the door.  You don’t want to just up and quit and come to find out that the job tree isnt bearing any fruit this year.  For the same reason don’t get fired.  Yes there is the chance of unemployment but it doesn’t begin to make ends meet, there might be some severance but it runs out, and people who find themselves unemployed seem to stay that way longer due to the tree of jobs not creating more jobs, you know.  So if you are unsatisfied in your job, look for another and stay mediocre to average, it is very expensive and tedious for a company to fire someone, just saying.

Make sure you give notice, it is the polite thing to do.  This falls into the don’t burn any bridges category, you never know when you will need a reference or heaven forbid a job.  You can be helpful with the transition, this also helps with references and keeping the bridge open.  Be ready for some disdain, someone will wonder why you are leaving or how can you leave you have been with us for blah blah blah, you have your well thought out reasons which you stated clearly in your notice, right?  Good luck at the new gig champ!

How to get a rich chick

One way for todays man to get on the fast train of life is to date or marry a wealthy woman.  Be a boy toy, reverse sugar daddy, male arm candy, you get my point.  Take from me(theoretically speaking of course I chose to marry again for Love, not money) how hard can it be?

First of all take care of yourself man.  Remember we(male species) age gracefully, some chicks dig our flecks of gray and the hint of wrinkle around the eyes implore wisdom(ok I made that one up but go with me on that fellas).  At least work on your physique a bit, no you don’t have to be ripped but at least be in good enough shape that you aren’t winded walking up the stairs or out of breath tieing your shoes.

Your appearance doesn’t have to be from Paris, but should be decent, clean and well-kept.  You shouldn’t look like you just rolled around in a puddle in the parking lot and have a hole in your jeans or your shoes were last polished at the factory.  You must also talk like you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth and have had money coming out of your butt forever.  Learn the words and nuances of the rich(check out Six Degrees of Separation for a quick lesson) and for heaven’s sake never, ever talk about the mundane aspects of life like cooking and such, they won’t get it, they don’t do it, they have hired help, remember they are rich.  Be confident and strong you can do it.

You will most likely have to flash some cash and bling, at least once so the future Mrs. (insert you name here you little gold digger) thinks you are rich.  Once she believes you have it, money isn’t a care and it is just who can whip it out first(big tip, be slow to go for the wallet).

Lastly, remember age matters.  The young ones are a pain in the ass and most likely aren’t worth the effort they are cocky and have never worked for anything in life just trying to hold up the $100 bills in their designer purses.  As they age…look out…they get bored with their mundane existence and you my friend are not only eye candy but down right spoilable boy toy to some cougar(a word I overheard some teenage boys use that refers to a very attractive woman who is over a certain age) and man do the rich like to spend money on their toys.  Best of luck to you and glad if Icould be of help.

I hope you all realize there is a ton of  satire in this piece, don’t send hate mail, just laugh with me, I am.

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One response

23 01 2010
johnny

Good work. Well researched and written. Keep it up.

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